Main > Support stories > The story of brothers: twelve year old Tymur and nine year old Tymofii
The story of brothers: twelve year old Tymur and nine year old Tymofii
Case study on support groups for children of Fallen Warriors
"Mom, I'm afraid to stay home alone, because sometimes I just want to break something..."*Names have been changed to protect confidentiality
"I will never forget those words from my elder son," - shares Nataliia from Shepetivka. Her husband was killed in the war over two years ago, leaving her with two boys - Tymur, 12, and Tymofii, 9. The brothers processed their loss in drastically different ways.
The elder, Tymur, carried his pain internally, but his desperation sometimes erupted through aggression. He reacted sharply to the slightest criticism, might slam doors, or throw and break things. His nights were filled with tears: "Mom, I can't fall asleep. Mom, I want to cry... I remembered Dad".
The younger, Tymofii, reacted differently. He coped by kissing his father's portraits wherever he saw them - banners on the Alley of Glory, or the phone when he saw a photo of his dad on the wallpaper. He also developed an anxious habit: the boy began to bite his nails.
"The social world was the most painful"
Interactions with peers became difficult. The boys were extremely vulnerable to criticism and a lack of understanding. Tymur would react painfully to even minor, perceivedly unfair remarks from teachers. Tymofii was once called a "loser" by another boy at a camp just for attending a project dedicated to the children of fallen soldiers.
"That was so incredibly painful for him that I didn't know whether to talk to the boy's mother or just keep silent," Nataliia recalls. "The children became very sensitive regarding the social world”.
The search for help and early setbacks
Nataliia faced a problem that, sadly, many families encounter: a lack of qualified trauma specialists. She spent a long time searching for psychological support for her sons in her hometown but was consistently turned away.
"In town, they told me, "We can only play games with the children". There were no trauma specialists". A negative experience with state-run projects only deepened the issue. When she enrolled the boys in a state-sponsored camp, it proved to be a failure; the children only lasted a week.
Despite all the obstacles, Nataliia didn't give up. "I understood that all of this still required psychological correction. As soon as I found any projects, I gladly applied, because I was doing my maximum to ensure specialists helped my children”.
First steps to healing: memories without tears
Participation in the online support groups became a turning point for the family. Nataliia was initially skeptical about the effectiveness of the online format, but to her surprise, the boys offered no resistance. Tymofii, the younger, even joyfully prepared for the meetings.
"He would say, "Mom, we need to make tea because we have a meeting!". He loved that cozy, home-like atmosphere". The boys most enjoyed talking, sharing memories of their dad, and simply sharing their stories. When the project gave them a task to create a collage using photos of their father, the mother noticed a significant shift:
"The children were constantly saying, "Mom, we need to make the collage, Mom, we need to find Dad's photos" - they were able to recall their father without aggression, without tears, but with engagement and love". Even the perceived inconvenience of group work proved beneficial. For the first time, the boys were learning not only to share their own emotions but also to listen to others. "It was hard for them because they had to listen to others. But it was an experience in socialization".
Quiet changes and new outlets
The results of the group work manifested gradually but distinctly. Nataliia noted that a space for new experiences and memories had opened up in the boys' lives.
"I notice that the older one has become calmer - I don't recall him getting aggressive the way he used to. The younger one no longer kisses portraits every day but keeps them in his room. We agreed to make an album of Dad's photos to preserve the memory without excessive pain".
The way the boys reacted to their emotions also changed. Tymur now asks for constructive ways to release his aggression. "The older one asks to buy a punching bag and gloves so he can take his aggression out on the bag".
The children began to be more active socially. Tymofii independently created a group chat to connect with friends from the camp, and he actively seeks opportunities to meet new people. Tymur, although still drawn to the virtual world, found common ground with cousins who understand his condition. "They finally saw that they were not alone in their pain. This gave them the strength to live on".
"Psychological help is like hygiene"
Nataliia is convinced that psychological support should be mandatory for everyone who has experienced loss, especially children. In her words, it is not just therapy, but a vital necessity.
"I try not to judge the children, but I don't always have the resources myself to help them. That's why I am so grateful to these groups, because they employ specialists who can guide the children and help them process their emotions". Nataliia notes that psychologists show how to change one's attitude towards traumatic situations.
"We react sharply to external factors, to triggers... It is very helpful when a psychologist shows you: "You cannot change the situation, but you can change your attitude toward it". This procedure should be just as mandatory as hygienic procedures - every one or two weeks, you need to articulate your emotions to a professional".
In her opinion, psychologists are now the most relevant profession in the country, as they help children and adults cope with the consequences of the war, preventing them from escalating into physiological illnesses. "I saw my boys return to life. That is the most valuable thing that could have happened."
If your child is showing aggression, withdrawing, or reacting painfully to memories of their father, don't wait. Support groups for the children of fallen warriors work online and help children find peace in the memories of their heroes.
The story of brothers: twelve year old Tymur and nine year old Tymofii
Case study on support groups for children of Fallen Warriors
"Mom, I'm afraid to stay home alone, because sometimes I just want to break something..."*Names have been changed to protect confidentiality
"I will never forget those words from my elder son," - shares Nataliia from Shepetivka. Her husband was killed in the war over two years ago, leaving her with two boys - Tymur, 12, and Tymofii, 9. The brothers processed their loss in drastically different ways.
The elder, Tymur, carried his pain internally, but his desperation sometimes erupted through aggression. He reacted sharply to the slightest criticism, might slam doors, or throw and break things. His nights were filled with tears: "Mom, I can't fall asleep. Mom, I want to cry... I remembered Dad".
The younger, Tymofii, reacted differently. He coped by kissing his father's portraits wherever he saw them - banners on the Alley of Glory, or the phone when he saw a photo of his dad on the wallpaper. He also developed an anxious habit: the boy began to bite his nails.
"The social world was the most painful"
Interactions with peers became difficult. The boys were extremely vulnerable to criticism and a lack of understanding. Tymur would react painfully to even minor, perceivedly unfair remarks from teachers. Tymofii was once called a "loser" by another boy at a camp just for attending a project dedicated to the children of fallen soldiers.
"That was so incredibly painful for him that I didn't know whether to talk to the boy's mother or just keep silent," Nataliia recalls. "The children became very sensitive regarding the social world”.
The search for help and early setbacks
Nataliia faced a problem that, sadly, many families encounter: a lack of qualified trauma specialists. She spent a long time searching for psychological support for her sons in her hometown but was consistently turned away.
"In town, they told me, "We can only play games with the children". There were no trauma specialists". A negative experience with state-run projects only deepened the issue. When she enrolled the boys in a state-sponsored camp, it proved to be a failure; the children only lasted a week.
Despite all the obstacles, Nataliia didn't give up. "I understood that all of this still required psychological correction. As soon as I found any projects, I gladly applied, because I was doing my maximum to ensure specialists helped my children”.
First steps to healing: memories without tears
Participation in the online support groups became a turning point for the family. Nataliia was initially skeptical about the effectiveness of the online format, but to her surprise, the boys offered no resistance. Tymofii, the younger, even joyfully prepared for the meetings.
"He would say, "Mom, we need to make tea because we have a meeting!". He loved that cozy, home-like atmosphere". The boys most enjoyed talking, sharing memories of their dad, and simply sharing their stories. When the project gave them a task to create a collage using photos of their father, the mother noticed a significant shift:
"The children were constantly saying, "Mom, we need to make the collage, Mom, we need to find Dad's photos" - they were able to recall their father without aggression, without tears, but with engagement and love". Even the perceived inconvenience of group work proved beneficial. For the first time, the boys were learning not only to share their own emotions but also to listen to others. "It was hard for them because they had to listen to others. But it was an experience in socialization".
Quiet changes and new outlets
The results of the group work manifested gradually but distinctly. Nataliia noted that a space for new experiences and memories had opened up in the boys' lives.
"I notice that the older one has become calmer - I don't recall him getting aggressive the way he used to. The younger one no longer kisses portraits every day but keeps them in his room. We agreed to make an album of Dad's photos to preserve the memory without excessive pain".
The way the boys reacted to their emotions also changed. Tymur now asks for constructive ways to release his aggression. "The older one asks to buy a punching bag and gloves so he can take his aggression out on the bag".
The children began to be more active socially. Tymofii independently created a group chat to connect with friends from the camp, and he actively seeks opportunities to meet new people. Tymur, although still drawn to the virtual world, found common ground with cousins who understand his condition. "They finally saw that they were not alone in their pain. This gave them the strength to live on".
"Psychological help is like hygiene"
Nataliia is convinced that psychological support should be mandatory for everyone who has experienced loss, especially children. In her words, it is not just therapy, but a vital necessity.
"I try not to judge the children, but I don't always have the resources myself to help them. That's why I am so grateful to these groups, because they employ specialists who can guide the children and help them process their emotions". Nataliia notes that psychologists show how to change one's attitude towards traumatic situations.
"We react sharply to external factors, to triggers... It is very helpful when a psychologist shows you: "You cannot change the situation, but you can change your attitude toward it". This procedure should be just as mandatory as hygienic procedures - every one or two weeks, you need to articulate your emotions to a professional".
In her opinion, psychologists are now the most relevant profession in the country, as they help children and adults cope with the consequences of the war, preventing them from escalating into physiological illnesses. "I saw my boys return to life. That is the most valuable thing that could have happened."
If your child is showing aggression, withdrawing, or reacting painfully to memories of their father, don't wait. Support groups for the children of fallen warriors work online and help children find peace in the memories of their heroes.