The story of twelve year old Milana

Case study on support groups for children of active military personnel

Why do other dads get to be here, but mine doesn't?*Names have been changed to protect confidentiality

A new life, but familiar pain

When the full-scale war began, the life of Niina's family, like that of countless Ukrainian families, was turned upside down. She and her 9-year-old daughter, Milana, ended up abroad. It seemed the worst was over: they were safe, they had a roof over their heads, and the child was in school. However, a new layer of anxiety emerged: adapting to an unfamiliar environment.
In Ukraine, Milana attended a private school where her mother worked. Now, in a new country, everything was strange - the language, the children, the city, and a regular public school. Niina worried about how her daughter would cope. While Milana quickly made friends and studied well, her mother saw that certain issues were causing her real distress.

Growing up without constant contact

The biggest challenge was her father. Milana struggled deeply to understand why some of her friends' fathers were near their families, while hers remained in Ukraine to defend his homeland. She constantly asked: "Why do other dads get to be here, but mine doesn't?". In those words was so much pain and a sense of injustice that her mother didn't always know how to respond. The girl was growing up without consistent contact with her dad; the family only reunites for a few days every few months.
Adolescence added new challenges: Milana began to assert her independence more, argue, protest, and react emotionally to everything. Her mother bore the brunt of this emotional storm and eventually realized that both of them needed support. Milana, specifically, needed a special, safe space where she could voice her feelings, be heard, and supported. "Not all children can tell their mother what troubles them. And that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them," says Niina.

The power of a safe space

That is how Milana came to join the psychological support group for children of military personnel. Though Niina was not present for the sessions due to the confidentiality of the group work, her daughter did share one memorable episode: "They were drawing their fears in the form of Dementors from Harry Potter". This deeply struck her mother. "To name your fear and pain is already a step towards acceptance and healing".

The daughter who learned to listen to herself

Niina didn't expect quick results. She understands that the process of awareness and acceptance in children is gradual. She is certain that even if a child doesn't speak directly about their experience, these sessions leave a positive mark, and changes happen on a deeper level than they might seem. "Perhaps the effect is cumulative. She became more attentive to others, more supportive. It was there, in that safe space, that she learned to better listen not only to others but to herself. And if the group helped her understand herself better - that is already a huge result," Milana's mother adds.
Today, Niina advises all parents who are hesitating not to be afraid to seek help: "You never know when or how pain will manifest in a child. A support group is a place where your child will be understood, supported, heard, and helped to process their pain and worries, not in isolation. If you don't try, you won't know how they can help your child. Don't lose this chance and this time".