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The story of fifteen year old Oleksiy: "For me, dad is still alive"
Case study on support groups for children of Fallen Warriors
"If a child says they don't need a psychologist, it may be a defense against pain"*Names have been changed to protect confidentiality
"For me, Dad is still alive."This phrase from 15 year old Oleksiy became a call to action for his mother, Anna.
It was seven months after the tragedy. Oleksiy was categorically avoiding any conversation about his father's death. He had been to the cemetery once and refused to go back. When he passed the memorial plaque installed at his school, he simply closed his eyes, unable to look at his father's image. Problems began to surface: indifference to his studies, and for the first time, lying. His connection with classmates fractured, and he withdrew into himself.
"My child became angrier, more irritable. I understand he's a teenager, but I noticed the change in his state right after his father's death," - says Anna. As a doctor, she understood the danger of this condition. She had read about hidden grief in adolescents and knew that without help, it could "explode" later on.
The first difficult steps
Anna knew her son needed help. She learned about the support groups for children of fallen warriors through social media and by word of mouth. However, when she suggested it, Oleksiy resisted. "Why do I even need these psychologists? I really needed a psychologist when I first saw the news. But I don't need it now".
"I spoke to him as a doctor about the potential consequences of unprocessed trauma and how it could affect his health," - Anna recalls. "I also manipulated him a little with a mother's appeal: "Just reassure me that you're going to be okay".
The first steps were not easy. Oleksiy preferred the individual sessions, where he felt freer and more willing to share his feelings. Group work was more difficult-perhaps due to insecurity or an unwillingness to open up in front of others.
"He went mostly just to tick a box," - his mother admits. "He'd say, "Why do I need these exercises-to process anger? What's that going to do for me?". But still, he attended every single session. He didn't miss one and completed all the tasks".
The changes that emerge
Although Oleksiy's overall emotional state remains unstable, the most noticeable change is that he has learned, at least a little, to talk about his emotions and ask philosophical questions.
"He might ask me, 'How do you see death? What do you think a person feels?' He never did that before".His studies remain on the back burner, but he no longer shows apathy. Instead, Oleksiy has found an outlet in sports. He has completely immersed himself in basketball, and it is there that he has found a new circle of friends and support.
"Yes, he is still anxious and irritable," - Anna says. "But I see he is not as indifferent as he was at the beginning. He is moving forward, one small step at a time". Anna herself also attends support groups for parents. She says this helps her cope with her own pain.
"I can't say, "Wow, I'm over it," but these meetings are very helpful because we talk with the other women there. The psychologists are excellent. I am impressed by their qualifications, their empathy, and what they talk about. I still feel the pain, but it's not like it was before. I still cry, but I cry less".
Why the groups are important
Anna advises other parents not to wait for the problem to "pass on its own".
"If a child says they don't need a psychologist, it may be a defense against pain. Help is needed right away, so the trauma doesn't grow into more serious problems". For Anna, the groups also became a source of personal strength, keeping her from being left alone with her grief."It helps me not to sink into depression, not to 'disconnect' from life. I see that thanks to the psychologists, we are both returning to society".
When asked what she would advise other parents who are hesitating about seeking psychological help for their children, Anna is unequivocal: "You absolutely must participate. This is a critical part of living through grief and loss. The help of a psychologist is a standard of care in the field of mental health. You must seek it out". Anna is convinced that it was thanks to seeking timely psychological support that she was able to save herself and learn to live again.
Do you notice that your child, who has experienced the loss of a loved one, needs support? If so, do not leave them alone with their pain. Our psychological support groups for children and adolescents living with loss are a safe space where they can share their feelings, find understanding, and learn to cope with their emotions. Contact us, and together we will help your child take a step toward a life full of meaning.
The story of fifteen year old Oleksiy: "For me, dad is still alive"
Case study on support groups for children of Fallen Warriors
"If a child says they don't need a psychologist, it may be a defense against pain"*Names have been changed to protect confidentiality
"For me, Dad is still alive."This phrase from 15 year old Oleksiy became a call to action for his mother, Anna.
It was seven months after the tragedy. Oleksiy was categorically avoiding any conversation about his father's death. He had been to the cemetery once and refused to go back. When he passed the memorial plaque installed at his school, he simply closed his eyes, unable to look at his father's image. Problems began to surface: indifference to his studies, and for the first time, lying. His connection with classmates fractured, and he withdrew into himself.
"My child became angrier, more irritable. I understand he's a teenager, but I noticed the change in his state right after his father's death," - says Anna. As a doctor, she understood the danger of this condition. She had read about hidden grief in adolescents and knew that without help, it could "explode" later on.
The first difficult steps
Anna knew her son needed help. She learned about the support groups for children of fallen warriors through social media and by word of mouth. However, when she suggested it, Oleksiy resisted. "Why do I even need these psychologists? I really needed a psychologist when I first saw the news. But I don't need it now".
"I spoke to him as a doctor about the potential consequences of unprocessed trauma and how it could affect his health," - Anna recalls. "I also manipulated him a little with a mother's appeal: "Just reassure me that you're going to be okay".
The first steps were not easy. Oleksiy preferred the individual sessions, where he felt freer and more willing to share his feelings. Group work was more difficult-perhaps due to insecurity or an unwillingness to open up in front of others.
"He went mostly just to tick a box," - his mother admits. "He'd say, "Why do I need these exercises-to process anger? What's that going to do for me?". But still, he attended every single session. He didn't miss one and completed all the tasks".
The changes that emerge
Although Oleksiy's overall emotional state remains unstable, the most noticeable change is that he has learned, at least a little, to talk about his emotions and ask philosophical questions.
"He might ask me, 'How do you see death? What do you think a person feels?' He never did that before".His studies remain on the back burner, but he no longer shows apathy. Instead, Oleksiy has found an outlet in sports. He has completely immersed himself in basketball, and it is there that he has found a new circle of friends and support.
"Yes, he is still anxious and irritable," - Anna says. "But I see he is not as indifferent as he was at the beginning. He is moving forward, one small step at a time". Anna herself also attends support groups for parents. She says this helps her cope with her own pain.
"I can't say, "Wow, I'm over it," but these meetings are very helpful because we talk with the other women there. The psychologists are excellent. I am impressed by their qualifications, their empathy, and what they talk about. I still feel the pain, but it's not like it was before. I still cry, but I cry less".
Why the groups are important
Anna advises other parents not to wait for the problem to "pass on its own".
"If a child says they don't need a psychologist, it may be a defense against pain. Help is needed right away, so the trauma doesn't grow into more serious problems". For Anna, the groups also became a source of personal strength, keeping her from being left alone with her grief."It helps me not to sink into depression, not to 'disconnect' from life. I see that thanks to the psychologists, we are both returning to society".
When asked what she would advise other parents who are hesitating about seeking psychological help for their children, Anna is unequivocal: "You absolutely must participate. This is a critical part of living through grief and loss. The help of a psychologist is a standard of care in the field of mental health. You must seek it out". Anna is convinced that it was thanks to seeking timely psychological support that she was able to save herself and learn to live again.
Do you notice that your child, who has experienced the loss of a loved one, needs support? If so, do not leave them alone with their pain. Our psychological support groups for children and adolescents living with loss are a safe space where they can share their feelings, find understanding, and learn to cope with their emotions. Contact us, and together we will help your child take a step toward a life full of meaning.