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The story of seven year old Katia:
"Why do other dads get to be here, but ours can't?
Case study on support groups for children of active military personnel
"Children can't express everything they want, but inside, they feel everything"*Names have been changed to protect confidentiality
Katia is seven. She is lively, restless, a real "energizer". Her father has been serving in the Armed Forces of Ukraine since March 2022. In her daily life, now in Poland, Katia tries to live a normal life: she participates in the "Plast" Ukrainian scouting organization, dances, and plays with friends. But after a summer visit with her father in Ukraine, Katia struggled heavily with the separation. She would cry before bed, refuse to eat, and at her Plast meetings, she felt a painful envy for the children who came with their dads.
"I just didn't know how to explain why we couldn't be together. The "Daddy is a hero protecting us" - explanation had stopped working," admits her mother, Marya.
The search for help and a mother's doubts
Marya began to look for a psychologist for her daughter. She found a support group for children of military personnel through an online chat for defenders' wives:
"I didn't even know such a thing existed. It was a godsend - a place where Katia could see that she wasn't alone, to see other children in the exact same situation".
But Marya also had doubts. First, she worried that her restless daughter wouldn't be able to sit through an entire hour-long online session. Second, she was afraid that working with a psychologist would "stir up" and worsen the already painful feelings.
The first miracle: a child sits for an hour
However, after the very first meeting, all her doubts disappeared. Katia not only sat through the entire session but also anxiously awaited the next one: "When is the psychologist? In a week? When is "in a week?".
She set up a special shelf where she kept everything needed for the sessions and eagerly prepared for each meeting.
The turning point: a shield for dad
The first changes didn't happen immediately, but during one of the sessions where the children made a "shield for dad".
"She was just so happy about it - "This is for Dad!" - recalls Marya. "Her eyes just lit up while she was doing it".
Katia decorated the shield with such enthusiasm and care, adding gems and stickers. Then, she glued a picture of her dad to it.
"From what I understand, she worries so much about her dad, and this feeling of helplessness is especially hard. But this was a way to "protect" her dad. A feeling that she can do something, that she, as a child, has some control over the situation".
Marya noted that this was a real turning point.
A child's wisdom
One day, on the way to dance class, Katia suddenly said, "None of this really matters". "Then what does matter?" her mom asked. "The most important thing is for Dad to be alive, and for us to be together with Dad".
"Such a philosophical statement from a seven-year-old child," - Marya marvels. "War forces children to grow up fast, but support groups help them find a healthy way to do it".
The results exceeded expectations
The moments where Katia would just sit and cry disappeared. The girl still says she misses her dad, but now it's not with tears. She talks about it calmly, she has found hope.
"The child has become calmer. She has processed this whole situation and drawn her own conclusions - not mine, but her own," - Marya concludes. "The result here is just unequivocally mega-positive. Honestly, I couldn't have hoped for more".
Also, her appetite improved. Marya didn't connect it to psychology at first, but this too was a result of processing her emotions.
Why psychological support for children is vital
For Maria herself, her daughter's participation in the group became "a huge support pillar holding up my own psyche". When things are getting better for your child, life becomes easier for you, too.
"I would recommend that all children who have a father serving participate in these support groups," - Marya states confidently. "A child can't express everything they want, but inside, they feel it all. A child's psyche needs professional support just as the body needs medicine when it's sick. It's like hygiene - every week or two, you need to talk out your emotions with a professional".
"Even if you are skeptical, agree to attend one session with your child. I'm from Kryvyi Rih myself, where psychology is heavily demonized, but I strongly recommend working with a psychologist so you don't let it get to the point of physiological consequences," - she emphasizes.
If you see that your child is sad, asking questions, or their behavior has changed, don't wait. Psychological support groups for children of active military personnel are a crucial step that will help your child cope with their emotions, feel safe, and find hope. You can find information about our support groups for children of service members by contacting us directly or through military family assistance organizations.
The story of seven year old Katia: "Why do other dads get to be here, but ours can't?
Case study on support groups for children of active military personnel
"Children can't express everything they want, but inside, they feel everything"*Names have been changed to protect confidentiality
Katia is seven. She is lively, restless, a real "energizer". Her father has been serving in the Armed Forces of Ukraine since March 2022. In her daily life, now in Poland, Katia tries to live a normal life: she participates in the "Plast" Ukrainian scouting organization, dances, and plays with friends. But after a summer visit with her father in Ukraine, Katia struggled heavily with the separation. She would cry before bed, refuse to eat, and at her Plast meetings, she felt a painful envy for the children who came with their dads.
"I just didn't know how to explain why we couldn't be together. The "Daddy is a hero protecting us" - explanation had stopped working," admits her mother, Marya.
The search for help and a mother's doubts
Marya began to look for a psychologist for her daughter. She found a support group for children of military personnel through an online chat for defenders' wives:
"I didn't even know such a thing existed. It was a godsend - a place where Katia could see that she wasn't alone, to see other children in the exact same situation".
But Marya also had doubts. First, she worried that her restless daughter wouldn't be able to sit through an entire hour-long online session. Second, she was afraid that working with a psychologist would "stir up" and worsen the already painful feelings.
The first miracle: a child sits for an hour
However, after the very first meeting, all her doubts disappeared. Katia not only sat through the entire session but also anxiously awaited the next one: "When is the psychologist? In a week? When is "in a week?".
She set up a special shelf where she kept everything needed for the sessions and eagerly prepared for each meeting.
The turning point: a shield for dad
The first changes didn't happen immediately, but during one of the sessions where the children made a "shield for dad".
"She was just so happy about it - "This is for Dad!" - recalls Marya. "Her eyes just lit up while she was doing it".
Katia decorated the shield with such enthusiasm and care, adding gems and stickers. Then, she glued a picture of her dad to it.
"From what I understand, she worries so much about her dad, and this feeling of helplessness is especially hard. But this was a way to "protect" her dad. A feeling that she can do something, that she, as a child, has some control over the situation".
Marya noted that this was a real turning point.
A child's wisdom
One day, on the way to dance class, Katia suddenly said, "None of this really matters". "Then what does matter?" her mom asked. "The most important thing is for Dad to be alive, and for us to be together with Dad".
"Such a philosophical statement from a seven-year-old child," - Marya marvels. "War forces children to grow up fast, but support groups help them find a healthy way to do it".
The results exceeded expectations
The moments where Katia would just sit and cry disappeared. The girl still says she misses her dad, but now it's not with tears. She talks about it calmly, she has found hope.
"The child has become calmer. She has processed this whole situation and drawn her own conclusions - not mine, but her own," - Marya concludes. "The result here is just unequivocally mega-positive. Honestly, I couldn't have hoped for more".
Also, her appetite improved. Marya didn't connect it to psychology at first, but this too was a result of processing her emotions.
Why psychological support for children is vital
For Maria herself, her daughter's participation in the group became "a huge support pillar holding up my own psyche". When things are getting better for your child, life becomes easier for you, too.
"I would recommend that all children who have a father serving participate in these support groups," - Marya states confidently. "A child can't express everything they want, but inside, they feel it all. A child's psyche needs professional support just as the body needs medicine when it's sick. It's like hygiene - every week or two, you need to talk out your emotions with a professional".
"Even if you are skeptical, agree to attend one session with your child. I'm from Kryvyi Rih myself, where psychology is heavily demonized, but I strongly recommend working with a psychologist so you don't let it get to the point of physiological consequences," - she emphasizes.
If you see that your child is sad, asking questions, or their behavior has changed, don't wait. Psychological support groups for children of active military personnel are a crucial step that will help your child cope with their emotions, feel safe, and find hope. You can find information about our support groups for children of service members by contacting us directly or through military family assistance organizations.